Prophetic turkey…

Posted in Uncategorized on November 24, 2009 by anthonykendall

I went to bed yesterday morning (since I work overnights; not because I was out boozing *cough*) thinking about my mother.

I am not usually a praying man.  I am confused about my beliefs in God and an afterlife, but for whatever reason, I found myself talking to the universal force a lot of people ask things of. 

I wasn’t asking for money, or a promotion, or a new car, or a new house; but, for some strange reason, the safety of my mother.

At 3:07p.m. I received a frantic phone call from my sister; mom had been in a car accident.

(As an aside; this kind of thing happens to me a lot.  Unexplained feelings that tie events together later, in some strange way, but I digress.)

My mom is ok.  Knocked her head pretty good, but physically fine, unfortunately, though, she lost her job and might not be able to work ever again (as its diabetic related).

Know what?  I don’t fucking care about that in the least.  She’s ok.  Fuck jobs and money and all that other horseshit.  Thanksgiving came early this year, for us.  We’re together, safe, and mostly happy. 

In the end, I believe that’s all one can ask for.

It’s time for Keene to die…

Posted in Uncategorized on November 3, 2009 by anthonykendall

I wasn’t officially invited or anything, but I love the guy.  (as a writer and as a person; any chance you get to meet him, let alone buy some of his work, DO IT!)
Make sure you visit: www.briankeene.com as an All-Star Cast of writers partook in the fun as well.

If you like any of the stories–and how in the hell can you not?–then please consider buying a copy of Jack Haringa Must Die as all proceed benefit The Shirley Jackson Awards.

Here’s my offering.  Enjoy!

           Penis Envy

     I didn’t set out to kill Brian Keene; just wanted to tell him a joke…

     Around a mouthful Strongbow I said, “I bet my penis is bigger.”

     He almost died then and there from the laughter, Knob Creek slopping from his glass as he held onto the bar-top like a sailor clinging to a mast in the midst of a storm.

     Then I showed him…

     Poor guy fell off his stool, his brain reduced to nothing more than an over-nuked piece of lasagna; his face a mask of shocked disbelief…

  Hahaha; long live the four inch Penis King! ;)

I fought the law…

Posted in Uncategorized on June 24, 2009 by anthonykendall

…and the law LOST!

 

All of that fretting and sweating and the charges were dismissed.

 

Whew!

 

Judge was an asshole, though.  Couldn’t quite comprehend that I was pleading not guilty; I ended up having to explain it to him with hand gestures and a stiff kick in the ass.

 

The beer is on me tonight, kiddos…

 

 

–T

I have to go to court…

Posted in Uncategorized on June 23, 2009 by anthonykendall

 

 

                Seriously.

 

                I have court on Wednesday.  What for you ask?  Did I finally snap and give in to my violent nature?   Are there a few hundred people running around the US missing limbs or heads?

 

                No.

 

                I’ve been accused of running a school bus stop sign…on January 27th.  Half a fucking year ago…

 

                If I am found guilty of this, I’ll be fined and lose my license for 90 days.  Losing my license can have a VERY negative impact on my employment (of nearly 5 years) considering I take care of children who are mentally disabled.

 

                I am a pessimistic person when it comes to matters of law.  I know I am innocent until proven guilty, but I definitely feel like its vice-versa, especially for something like this.  Unless they have a video, picture, charcoal rubbing, or some kind of hieroglyphs showing me committing this offense how in the blue hell can they possibly prove I did this?  My word vs his/hers.  Yet I feel like I am going to have to fight my ass off to prove my innocence…

 

                –T

Dear Lord…

Posted in Uncategorized on March 22, 2009 by anthonykendall

It’s 3:09 in the AM and I am drunk and can’t figure out how to get twitter on my goddamned wordpress blog!

 

BLARGH!

 

I’m going to pass out and figure this shit out tomorrow…

 

–T